Is It Ever Really Out of the Blue?

Sometimes I get into the weirdest funk imaginable. I'm not sure if other people do that, but at times, I get up in my head too much and from it comes this incredible funk that is hard to put into words. It might be a little bit of depression - which, for $85, my therapist would be happy to diagnose for me. I, on the other hand, can diagnose myself for free (although, I do love her - she's very insightful). I get up in my head and try to understand why or how it is that God loves me. Philosophically, I know the standard answers....but sometimes I have a tremendously hard time grasping the concept. I have always struggled with acceptance. When I was a child, I wanted to be loved and accepted and so I did outrageous things - like daredevil type things. I remember when I was 7 years old trying to pretend that I was Superwoman and tied a "cape" to myself and did a flying leap (literally) out of our second story window. Of course, that was only after I threw my mattress out so I could easily land on it. Well thought plans of a 7 year old - didn't really work great. Landed on the mattress, then bounced and hit the ground hard. Broken arm....fantastic. Oh, did I mention that I yelled "Geronimo" as I jumped out the window. So cleverly done yet such an attention seeker. Really wanting to be accepted. As a teenager, I did anything I could to be popular. I got good grades, worked hard at being an athlete and hung around the "cool kids". Again, really wanted to be accepted. Of course, I carried this into my adult life - now, I'm a complete workaholic, overachieving, perfectionist. Still trying to feel accepted and loved. It's not that I am not loved - totally loved - but it's that need deep down to be accepted. So, often I find that this leads to me asking the questions of how does God love me like I am, and why does He love me. Sometimes I come to an awkward realization, in my own head, that He loves me because He has to - not because He wants to. Just when I am at my deepest funk of that thought, something really cool, out of the blue, happens to me, and He lets me know, again, that He loves me because I'm one of His chosen daughters, and He loves me for who I am.

I have experienced that this week. I was in a bit of a funk. I have come home from a great vacation where I felt relaxed and really enjoyed my time with God, the beach, and oh yeah, those hot Latino men....love them :) Anyway...what was I saying? Oh yeah, completely relaxed. Work is crazy, as always, but I felt relaxed. I received a call this week from a woman who works at the City School District. Interestingly, they want to interview me for a position there. Now, I'm not looking for a job. I love my job - I love the people I work with, etc. I decided to have lunch with her to see what she had in mind. After my discussion with her, I realized that she was sent to me by God. The opportunity she has for me is incredible - same type of work I do now, but less hours and hugely more pay. This is God trying to tell me that He loves me and wants to take care of me. My current job is pretty stressful, lots of hours and I am paid well, but probably underpaid for the responsibility I have. Several of my friends and family told me that they had been praying for a job change and an opportunity for me to advance. I'm not sure where this will lead, but the bottom line was that I was able to get out of my funk. God does love me. He loves me and wants what is best for me. This was an out of the blue situation - and when I say "out of the blue", I mean out of the blue sky and heaven where my Abba Father lives. There is really nothing in our lives that is "out of the blue" per se - it's designed by Abba Father; my Jehovah Rapha - always healing the depression I feel and letting me know that He is always looking out for me because He cares and loves me for me - in all my quirkiness.