Word Vomit

I have a terrible habit. Well, technically I have more than one terrible habit. However, the habit that I have been convicted about this week is regarding my lack of the filter (again). I know I've written about my "filter" issues before but this week this issue has crept up again. Sometimes the word vomit that comes out of my mouth shocks me. I don't care how many times I pray for the Holy Spirit's help in keeping my words in check, I just know that the minute I have a thought, it is spoken to mine, and sometimes others', chagrin.

In the spirit of self disclosure, there were two instances this week that I clearly heard the Holy Spirit whisper "shut up" (much more eloquently, though), and I just didn't listen. The first instance was actually via email - which is just as bad. I am a member of a social internet website. While the guise of the website is to "connect" with others, I often find that it is a place that gossip is bred easily. A person that I have known in the past connected with me through this website. Within a few hours of connecting with me, she found a way to feed me gossipy information about some people in my church. We have not talked for over 10 years, and within hours of "friending" me on this website, she felt comfortable enough to share some information that I really didn't need to know. The worst part about it is that I participated and engaged in the conversation in spite of the Holy Spirit's pleading to stop. This was beyond just not using my "filter". This was plain sinful. I have since confessed this, but I was slightly shocked by how easy it was for me to take a stroll down this lane.

The second incident happened with a woman at work. I generally pride myself on the compassion I can show towards people. I think I should note that I carefully chose the word "pride"....as "pride" goes before a fall, as the Scriptures say. This woman is difficult to deal with. She is in a leadership position, makes my job harder on a daily basis, and overall gives me high blood pressure whenever I interact with her (which is frequently). Well, last week she broke her ankle while on vacation. It was broken so bad she had to have surgery and I learned that she would be out of the office for a while. My first reaction - which is generally, to me, the truest reaction - was not very Christian like. Let's just say that my first response was not one of compassion. It was a selfish, self serving response. I, again, have since confessed this sinful behavior and apologized to those I shared my "thoughts" with.

My point in writing all of this is that just when I think that I've come to a place in my Christian walk that I'm comfortable with coasting, my sinful nature pops up it's ugly head, and I'm hit with the reality that I'm a sinner. I'm a filthy, rotten sinner. Am I chosen child of the King? Absolutely. He has saved me and I cannot be moved from that. The last several weeks I have let myself take a ride on the coasting train. I've not read my Bible; I've skipped church because of work issues and I've canceled and not rescheduled time with good Christian friends. I've not spent time on my face before the Holy God. The consequences of this are what I've written about - the lack of a check in my spirit to stop sinful behavior before it happens and the fact that I've been more unproductive these past several days than I've been in a long time.

This evening, I have spent time with the Holy God. I've spent time on my knees in prayer, and in His word. What a mirror that can be! I am a dirty sinner saved by His magnificent grace. The fact that I engaged in gossip and threw compassion aside for someone who is hurting is a sign to me that I let myself slip away from my walk too far.

II Peter 1 - For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. This is my calling tonight. I need to continually add to my faith - adding goodness, knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, kindness, and love. This is how I am kept from being ineffective and unproductive in my walk. Time to get back on track - moving forward - looking ahead, not behind.

Tonight I am thankful that the mercy of my God is renewed every morning. I will go to bed with that thought and remember it when I awake tomorrow. His mercies will be new. A new day. A new start.