This has been a crazy week. First, let me say that my prayers and thoughts are with my blogging friend Vicky and her family as her son underwent surgery this week. You have been in my prayers. Your son is going through this with amazing grace and strength (and so are Mom and Dad).

It seems like it was just Monday and now it's Friday. Where did the time go? True confession time - the week has gone by so fast, and I've spent very little time with God. Life has happened and my reading and praying took a short back burner. My defense, of course, says that I didn't completely stop doing it...but that's just a reflex. I didn't spend as much time with Him, and now, on Friday, it shows. It shows in my spirit. Funny how that works. God is so clear about the fruit of the spirit and how it works in our lives. Today, my spirit lacks love, joy, peace...yesterday I lacked long suffering (which is a fruit of the spirit that is almost absolutely necessary at my job); I was less than gentle this morning when I was smashing around plates and dishes and putting them into the dishwasher because they were sitting in the sink. I was less filled with the Spirit this week than I should have been.

My life gets so wrapped up in itself that sometimes I forget about taking a breath and letting God have the space to work in my life. I'm so married to a schedule that if one thing gets thrown off even slightly, my schedule goes to pot and I freak and try to work harder to get it back on track. It's that control thing. I stopped this morning after angrily putting the dishes into the dishwasher. I stopped to think about that control issue that keeps cropping up in my life. What's that all about? Why do I feel so moved to control my schedule, my life....? When I'm in control, then things don't always go as planned and I lose my edge - my filled with the Spirit edge. Not a spiritual gimmick, but truly something that gets me through the day as a pleasant person - which I have to say that no one would say that about me this week. As a woman, you know that I am inclined to chalk it up to PMS. What a great excuse for me to outwardly show my lack of filled with the Spirit. Deep down, though, I know the truth. I spent too much time this week controlling my life and filling it with my schedule rather than filling it with the fruit of the Spirit.

My prayer this morning, early on, was simple. "I truly am sorry, Abba Father. I have not spent any quality time with You. My heart wandered away for a brief time. Thank you for your loving grace, mercy and patience with me". Isn't it amazing how we can schedule our days so much that we schedule God right out of it? It's a fault and trait I have....guess I need to go back to the beginning and start out with God at the helm.