Did This Really Happen?

I have had the unique opportunity this entire week to be tested by the Scripture that so convicted me earlier in the week - faithfully administering the grace of God. I have also been tested in the area of letting all of my words be as though they were words spoken directly from God. I have failed miserably at both of these things this week.

My job is a stressful job. Sometimes in my current position, if my team makes a mistake, it has repercussions that resound to the highest level - and I mean levels like Senators, Congress-people and the almighty press. Literally if someone on my team makes a payment mistake, we will hear from an elected official or it will make the paper. This week was one of those weeks only magnified by about 100 times. One of my supervisors made a mistake this week that was a shot heard round the circuit. It's not important to get into the details of that (and frankly because of the nature of my job, I can't get into details), but suffice it to say, the last 3 days have been a trial at work for me and all those involved. Not only is my Department Head involved, but our highest ranking Supervisor, if you will, is involved. Today is going to be a continuation of dealing with this situation. The last three days have been nothing but trying to deal with this situation and keep it manageably controlled. It was a tremendous test of "faithfully administering the grace of God". I was not so faithful in the administration of grace....especially not anything that would come close to the grace of God. In fact, I have probably done just the opposite - I have delivered judgment. I know that it would seem reasonable that I would deliver judgment in a situation like this. This is my job responsibility and the expectation of those who supervise me. However, it has felt like I have missed the mark on administering grace at the same time trying to balance judgment. How does one do that? I know God does this perfectly. I, however, do not.

I have also surprised myself by the words I have spoken in the shock and awe of what has happened this week. I know that "out of the abundance of the heart" the mouth does speak. It has been shocking to me what words I have spoken. They weren't filthy words by any stretch, but words that were disappointing to me after I spoke them.

This week has also brought me, ironically, back in touch with one of my oldest friends from my childhood. We reconnected through an Internet site. Our lives have taken different paths and yet we seem to have come to a similar place. Funny how that happens. After the week that I've had, it made me long to be in the 3rd grade again. Wouldn't that be a special place to be? Playing 4 square at lunch time in the parking lot of the school (which was also the church at the time); using the nurseries for our classroom and learning our times tables while pretending we were football quarterbacks. That's a good place to be. However, as I have said before, I wouldn't go back to my childhood for anything - not enough money in the world to try to send me back to that place. Although, for a brief moment, the thought of milk being brought to me at 10:30; lunch at 11:45 and recess for 30 minutes after that and ending my day at 2:35 does bring a smile to my face. Life was simpler and uncomplicated then. Perhaps that's what I long for - simple and uncomplicated. I don't always get that in my adult life.

So, on to deal with the 3 day crisis that has been brought about under my watch. That's the part that kills me most - it happened on my watch. While nobody high ranking is telling me that it's my fault, I feel like I have failed as a supervisor - this happened on my watch. Today should be interesting. More meetings to discuss this and then, hopefully, some resolution or a game plan to move forward. Overall, I renewed my quest - to faithfully administer the grace of God and to speak as though I were speaking the very words of God. Let's see if I can make it through at least one day this week and accomplish this, shall we?