I have been up since 4:15 (am). Not by choice. By the power of my racing mind...oh yeah...and my crying dog. Apparently he didn't get outside late enough last night, so at 4:15 am, he decided he wanted to spend some time sniffing the flowers outside and....well....watering them. After he came inside, he went back to sleep. I, on the other hand, could not. So, I've spent some early morning time in the Scriptures. I have finished the book of Hebrews and moved into first Peter. I Peter chapter 4 is where I've stopped to ponder. The entire chapter is about how to live for God, particularly in the "last days" - a phrase we commonly use to describe our generation. I'm not so convicted by the "abstain from debauchery, drunkenness, orgies and carousing". While I think those are good things to abstain from, it is not the thought that has me convicted this morning. The words that are convicting me this morning are the words that start in verse 8 of this chapter and continue to verse 11 - "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen". The part that gets me the most this morning - "faithfully administering God's grace".

I don't know about others, so I will write from my heart about this subject. I am not always a graceful person. I do not faithfully administer God's grace to other people. In my self righteousness, I could easily state that the administration of God's grace is best suited for...well..God. Sometimes my actions and words show that I consider my job not to be faithfully administering God's grace, but faithfully administering my own judgment. The thought in the Scripture continues...."If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God". How often do I find myself in that situation? Actually speaking as though I was speaking the very words of God? We are instructed to do this, and yet I know that I fall short of this. Sometimes when I speak, I know I am so far away from speaking the words of God. I'd like to think I can justify it by saying that I'm speaking the "judge" part of God. The truth of the matter is that I'm speaking my own judgment. Rarely the words of God. This morning, as I sit and read this Scripture, I am thinking about just the past few days and the words I have spoken. I have said before that I often speak as though I have no Holy Spirit "filter" on my words. I don't think that I've ever been able to describe exactly what that "filter" should be, but I am certain, now, that the filter is this - speaking as though I'm speaking the very words of God and faithfully administering God's grace. That's the "filter" I should be using.

Putting people down through my words is my way of exalting myself sometimes. When I'm feeling at my worst, it is so easy to boost myself by stepping on others. I find myself doing this in my work environment as well as my spiritual life. How ungodly. How wrong. How convicting. No matter how I am feeling, my calling is to faithfully administer God's grace. This morning, my mind is flooded with all the times in the last few days that I did not do this. How many times over the last few days did I open my mouth and judgment was spoken? How many times have I thought judgment - even if it wasn't spoken? The Scripture is clear - faithfully administer God's grace. Faithfully....always....consistently....not just at times when I am feeling spiritual or especially compassionate but faithfully. That means this should be a part of my every day talk. Not just my "every once in a while" talk.

Even yesterday, while sitting in church, I saw a man walk in holding hands with what appears to me to be his new girlfriend. It's commonly spoken that this man had left his wife and is now dating this woman. Even as I sat in church, I thought judgmentally about this man. I thought judgmental thoughts - not graceful thoughts. My expectation, though, is that others will faithfully bestow the grace of God on me when I am fallen. Yet, I do not do the same.

This morning, albeit, early, I got on my face before God - the God who has shown me grace beyond measure - the God who took me from the bottom of my sin and forgave it like it never happened - and I cried. I cried about the times that I have judged others; the times I have unmercifully spoken about others and the times I have not faithfully administered God's grace to others. My prayer to God could only be this - "Abba Father, be merciful to me, a chosen daughter, and a wretched sinner saved by your everlasting grace. Forgive me". His response to me - "You are forgiven. Go, and sin no more. Faithfully administer my grace to others". Phew. Heavy for early morning.