Being Real

I've been inundated this week with people talking to me or talking about the subject of unbelief. It is something that I've been pondering from time to time over the course of the last several months, but this week, it seems like everyone is talking about it to me (or around me). It started on Monday with my coffee chat, then continued throughout the week through today with a sermon about faith. On top of the people around me talking about it, I have been reading a profound book called "The Shack" by William Young. It all ties in interestingly for me.

In the book, the main character's youngest daughter is abducted and murdered. He has to come to grips with reconciling God's goodness and mercy with the obvious tragedy that has happened. The book is written in a "Pilgrim's Progress" kind of way. The main character is asked by God to meet. What unfolds in the book is an interesting discussion about who God is and whether God fits into our Sunday school picture of what He is supposed to be. I have been taught about God and His characteristics for the majority of my life. From little on, I was told about who God is, what He has done, and what He is capable of doing. For the most part, I was asked to just take this at face value - after all, He is God.

Like the main character of this book, I, too, often find myself in a quandary trying to reconcile the mercy and goodness of God to the circumstances I have encountered in my life. I have tremendous head knowledge about who God is and what my response to Him should be. It's just that - head knowledge. It's getting that into my heart that is the issue. I know that the spiritually glib response sometimes in the body of Christ is that I just need faith and need to put my faith in Christ and praise Him through all. I need to work through my unbelief. Sometimes that makes me feel like I can't be real in the body of Christ. I know - it's funky - I should be able to be the most real with my brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. However, oftentimes I find that this is where I am less likely to be real. I am less likely to show that I have unbelief - that it is seen as a besetting sin in the circles of the body of Christ. I feel that sometimes, in the body of Christ, I am encouraged not to be real. I am encouraged to just "keep the faith" and "praise Him in this storm". What if I can't always do that? Is it okay to say that? Is it okay to say that I don't feel like praising Him through storms? Is it okay to say that I question Him?

When I think about relationships, and I am in a relationship with God, I think about all the ups and downs a relationship brings. Sometimes relationships are sweet, going along smoothly. Sometimes, because I am human, my relationships encounter trouble. My relationship with God is no different for me. Sometimes my relationship with God is going tremendously well. We are clicking along. Then sometimes my relationship doesn't go well. My very spiritual friends would say that this is because I've walked away from Him. Perhaps that I'm wayward or backslidden in some way. I'm not sure that I believe that my relationship with God isn't great because I'm backslidden. I think it's a product of my humanity - I have given God human attributes and that's where I feel the disappointment in the relationship. Does this mean that I'm not as spiritual as others? Maybe it does. In the end, though, it's my relationship with God. It's my accountability to God. I think that within the body of Christ it should be acceptable to have a unique relationship with God. Sometimes I feel like that's not encouraged. Sometimes I feel like church leaders think we should have the same type of relationship with God. It's not acceptable to have ups and downs with my relationship with God. Why not? Why can't I be as real as possible with the body of Christ? Why can't I say that sometimes my relationship with God isn't going all that great? It's real; it's truth. It's me.

Paul Tournier, a Swiss physician and a Christian, once quote, "Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets". What I take from this quote is that when I feel like I can't be real, especially in the body of Christ, it makes me feel as though I have to keep secrets about the struggles I have. The truth is that this is a lonely place to be. In the body of Christ, we should be able to be real about our relationship with God and the fact that it's not joy and peace all the time.

I know this seemed like rambling, but these were my thoughts today, so I wrote them down. I have ups and downs in my relationship with God, and sometimes I just need to know that this is okay. It's acceptable. It's real.