Affirmation

It's 5:08 am. Yep. A.M. I can't sleep anymore, so I've decided to get up. Why can't I sleep? My mind is filled with so many thoughts that I was awakened by them. I'm a worrier. I don't worry about things like global warming or anything like that, but I do worry about things in my life, my friend's lives, my family, my job and all I have to do . . . I have no children, so thank God I don't have that worry (unless, of course, I am worrying about Simon Peter - who has been scratching a lot lately). I've been actually awake for a while. I've been reading and praying and well, drinking coffee. Probably why I couldn't go back to sleep once I was up.

Sometimes, for me, this is really the best time of the day. I love being up early. I don't go to bed extremely early, but I do love my early mornings. I love the early morning in the summertime when the dew is on the grass and the sun is rising with that red-orange glow. It's not quite hot, but as soon as the sun comes up, you can hear the sounds of summer from the animals. It's the best time of day.

One of the things that I'm always most interested in learning more about it how I interact with people and how people interact with me. In college, I majored in Communication (and Business). I only wanted to major in Communication, but my dad, in his wisdom sat me down one day and said, "Honey, what are you going to do with Communication? You must take Business courses to do something real in your life.". Words of wisdom that have brought me to where I am in my career today. Thank you, Dad. Back to Communication. My courses were fantastic. I loved them. My concentration was in interpersonal communication. I studied how basically how powerful nonverbal communication was. Things like how people connect using kinesics - body posturing, eye glaze and gestures. It was fascinating to me to learn how body language can change the entire feel of a conversation. You would think that my love language would be touching - but it's not. My love language is words of affirmation. Today, I find myself worried about people in my life and whether or not they feel encouraged, uplifted.

Sometimes I think that my love language gets me into trouble. I suppose it doesn't get me in as much trouble as touching would (although there are days when I'm sure my love language has shifted....generally when a certain person has returned home for a visit...we won't go there). I love to analyze things - and often, I'm an overanalyzer. I analyze things to death. I analyze decisions and talk them out until my friends scream at me (lovingly), "Girl, stop analyzing this thing. Get out of your head and just do it". Love my friends. My BFF is the best for that. She is all about telling me to get out of my head and take the risks. I'm not good at that. Have you met me? I don't make coffee without analyzing the risks. There's the spilling the water on the way to the coffee pot; the getting the filter in just right so there are no grounds in my coffee cup; there is the whole not burning yourself when the coffee is being poured; and my ever favorite part - can't put too much cream in my coffee because then I won't like it. Risks involved in coffee making. I think of them. I know. You think I'm crazy. Deep down, I most likely am. I chalk it up to my love language. Words of affirmation.

I believe this has always been my love language. I know that may sound like "duh, of course", but I realize it so much now. I sometimes can't believe how clear it is that this is my love language. Even when blogging....I look for comments about my blogs. (For the record, this is not a hint for more comments). At work, the best thing my boss can do for me is tell me that he thinks I'm doing a great job. My department head is great at this. He tells me all the time what a good job I'm doing...and I love it. Even in my relationship with God, I look for the words of affirmation. I know that He can't audibly speak to me, but I look for the affirmation in so many places. I love to read a scripture that when I'm reading it I feel like God says, "That's for you" or "Are you getting that?". Not audible to my ears, but audible to my spirit. I believe that's why I feel like I connect with David in scripture. His writings seem like our personalities might be similar - love language of affirmation with just a hint of melancholy. Woo hoo. A therapist's dream, right?

Well, not sure how I got from worry to this. I guess because I feel worried about taking some new steps in my life. I'm worried that I'll take the steps and not be affirmed...and not feel like I can do it. I have to think, I guess, more about the song I used to sing in college during Sunday night revival time. I think it was one that was made up by the leaders. The words I remember most are, "do not worry for your life. do not worry about what you'll eat. do not worry about what you'll wear. do not worry about where you sleep. For your Father up above is looking down in love. How much more valuable you are than the birds". Those are my words of affirmation today from my Abba Father. Thank you, God. I needed those words today. Now, if I could just go back to sleep....too much coffee.