The Kentucky Derby Eulogy

Today is a two post day. Seriously. I actually felt sentimental this morning - a feeling that doesn't always come naturally. Then, I had a memorial service to attend. My friend's grandmother passed away this week. She was extremely close to her grandmother. I had never met Grandma, but I attended the memorial service for my friend. Everything started out fine - the usual things that happen in a Catholic church for a memorial service. The usual songs - the usual prayers - the usual readings - the usual up and down kneeling thing.....That is just a story in an of itself. Word to the wise when attending a Catholic funeral mass - The skirt needs to be (a) longer and (b) not tight around the knees part because there is a lot of kneeling to do. So, up until now, let's see...oh yeah - everything was usual. Then, my friend's father gave the "eulogy". I say "eulogy" with quotation marks because I truly am trying to be sarcastic. What I heard for the next 10 minutes was anything but a eulogy to honor the Grandma.

My friend's dad started out in the usual way. You know, "What can I say about Mother?" Okay, first of all, does that conjure up feelings of craziness in anyone else?? Come on - that has serial killer written all over it.... I know, I saw Psycho. "What can I say about Mother?" What you can say is that you tied yourself to close to the apron strings and never left the nest, buddy.....okay, I'm so ahead of myself here. After the "what could I say" comment, on to talking about Grandma, right? Wrong. The next words out of the man's mouth were kind of astonishing to me. He went on to say how he knew, when he picked up the paper on Saturday, that his mother's obituary was going to be in the paper. Instead of going to the obituaries, he went to the Sports section. Oh yeah, it was the same day as the Kentucky Derby. Just by chance, there was a horse in the Derby that had the same name of the town in Ireland that his mother's (the deceased) parents were from and he felt that this was a sign from God that he should place a bet to show. So, "I did it for Mother" ....seriously, those were his next words. My jaw dropped. If I couldn't be any more mortified, he seriously continued. The horse, apparently, didn't have good odds, but he felt that his sign from God would pull him through. Lo and behold, the horse did show and he won a great deal of money. Here's my favorite part....I can't make this up even if I tried....He turns to the Priest and says, "Father, I just want you to know that there was a large check in the collection plate yesterday from my winnings. It's what Mama would have wanted". Shut up. This did not just happen at a funeral mass. My ears could hardly believe what had just happened, but it really did. I'm not even sure if I should have been sad or laugh completely out loud at the absurdity.

So, because I like to take life lessons from moments like this, I pondered what I could learn from this thoughtful and moving remembrance of my friend's grandmother by her own son. What I've come up with is this simple prayer, "Dear Lord, please don't take me on the day of the Kentucky Derby for I would not want my death to move anyone to the sin of gambling. Amen" Can you just stand it?